Total Eclipse of Adam's Heart
by Aryn Smith
Summary: Eli can be so dense sometimes. He, unknowingly breaks the heart of his best friend whom is secretly in love with him. Now, Adam feels as though the loss has totally eclipsed his heart to all else. AdamxEli Rated M for later chapters
1. The Step That Changed Everything

Total Eclipse of Adam's Heart

The Step That Changed Everything

It wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't mean to let it slip out. If I hadn't been so angry with him, if I had thought before I spoke. Well, I didn't, so I guess it doesn't matter now. He'll never speak to me again, that's for sure. That thought along upsets me more than it probably should… I wonder if there's something more here that I never considered before.

Earlier that evening

There was nothing unusual about this day. Clare and I got into a fight and hadn't spoken since lunch. Honestly, she was getting on the last of my nerves with all this goody-goody bullshit. I needed to cool off and to get her off my mind. It just so happened that Adam was coming up to the lunch table at the very moment I decided I wanted to hang out with him that afternoon.

"What happened?" He asked catching the look on my face and that Clare was sitting across the table staring at anything but me.

"Nothing out of the ordinary." I said loud enough for her to hear, not caring at this point that she shot me a dirty look.

Adam glanced at her, then back to me and started to talk rapidly so she couldn't say something to get us fighting again. "I figured as much. Oh well, I'm sure you'll patch things up in no time. Say, I got a new comic, you go to The Dot this afternoon & read over it?"

He took the words out of my mouth. "Sure, I got some new stuff too I wanted you to look at."

"Awesome." Was that total elation on his face or what I going nuts?

He sat down, & ate in silence, the air around me & Clare was always tense at lunch when we were fighting. I ignored her as best I could without getting up & leaving. When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch I didn't even say goodbye to her. I got up & walked to class with Adam rather than try to apologize for whatever I did wrong this time. I wasn't ready to do that. I didn't want to. I didn't feel sorry.

"You don't even remember why you were fighting do you?" He asked as we walked at a moderate pace heading towards his class rather than mine.

"Nope."

"Then why not apologize?"

"'Cause I don't know what I did. So, I don't know if it's something I'd apologize for this quickly." The look on his face was priceless.

We were nearing his classroom too fast, I didn't want to stop talking. For some reason, I didn't want to leave him. I didn't want the good time we were having to end, even if it was just discussing a fight. I didn't want to let him go. It was a weird feeling, one that I normally would have spent a long time thinking about, but I didn't.

"But you are going to apologize at some point right?" That was a question I hadn't thought about.

"Honestly, man… I don't know." His face fell & I wanted to wrap my arms around him & console him for some unknown reason.

We were at his classroom now & I faked a small smile. "Later."

Then, I walked away. I could feel him standing in the door way staring back at me. I could tell he was worried because he didn't say goodbye. I knew it hurt him to see me like this. I knew all of these things but no matter how I tried I couldn't shake the feeling of want him beside me. I walked into my own class with my head spinning full of these thoughts that wouldn't leave, not that I really wanted them to. I ignored the history lesson & was in my own head the entire hour.

When the bell rang, and the end of the day came around I was still not ready to see him again because I hadn't thought things through just yet. Still, I walked out to the parking lot, spinning the ring of my keys on my middle finger. He was there waiting for me by Morty. I plastered a smile on my face but the look that crossed his proved he wasn't buying the act. After we were comfortably listening to a new band that wasn't a part of my typical genre, Breathe Carolina, he asked.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I didn't look at him, I couldn't.

"You're lying, tell me. Is it about Clare?" How could he be so naïve?

"It isn't about Clare." I tried to sound reassuring. "I'm just tired."

We were nearing my house now & thought he still didn't believe me, he let the subject drop & changed to the music for conversation. Despite the band's poppy techno sound with a bit of scream thrown in I like them a lot. Currently the part we were listening to didn't help my issues.

_I'll see it in you by the person you are in me (and you forever)_

_ I'm simple like this, just simple as can be (it's me and you forever)_

_ I said it before but I got to believe in me and you forever_

_ I wanna see me in the person I am with you (and me forever)_

"What is this?" He asked looking at me like I was on drugs.

"Breathe Carolina_. Put Some Clothes On_."

He laughed & my stomach flipped. "I like it."

After a bit more driving & a bit more discussing the band that was playing we got to the house. I didn't want to leave the car, I didn't want to leave out bubble of almost normal in a weird way. I knew I had to though, so I got out & before I could think to stop myself I opened his door for him, just like I would have for Clare. He looked a bit annoyed by it & just glared at me before heading up the stoop to the house.

And that's when things went terribly wrong.


	2. Open Mouth Insert Foot

Open Mouth Insert Foot

From the incident with the car door things only got worse. I could tell he was trying not to let his irritation show because for some unknown reason he didn't want to be angry with me. I mean, other than that we were best friends. The entire vibe of the afternoon was stiff with awkwardness where as it would usually be Nothing but laughs & comics & burping.

"You hungry?" I asked innocently enough moments after my stomach grumbled.

"Yeah. Whatcha got to eat?" He purred back at me.

"Food, I hope." I was really trying to ignore how weird that was

We ate in silence for the most part. I found chips that were a little stale, but food is food. At one point things got really strange when we both reached into the bag at the same time. I pulled back first & his face fell a little. Then, I swear I saw him blush as he watched my face.

"Sorry, dude. That was a little queer." I didn't intend for it to sound homophobic because I wasn't like that. I was bi-sexual, not that I advertised it, for Christ sake.

He looked at me then with pure shock & horror. "Eli, why the hell would you say something like that?" The tone in his voice matched to the emotion of offense in his eyes. "You don't really think about things that way do you? I thought you were a better human being than to be homophobic." He was making accusations that were completely hollow & I knew it but in the heat of the moment I didn't think before I opened my big, fat, stupid mouth.

"Yes, Adam because I'm completely terrified of gay people like those stupid football jocks who terrorized Zane & Riley or like Fitz." I fired back, at the mention of his personal tormentors name he flinched.

"Well if that's how it is then I don't think I can hang out with you anymore." He got up & was heading to the door before I could protest.

"Adam I-"

"Save it, Goldsworthy." Just like that, he was gone out the door & out of my life.

I didn't know why it bothered me so much to think that Adam hated me over some stupid comment that I didn't even mean to say but as I was clearing away the rubbish of our friendly afternoon turned bad I couldn't hide that I was seriously depressed about it. So depressed in fact that I was blasting a mixed CD I'd made right after Julia died that I only brought out of hiding when I was really upset. I was just finishing up organizing the comics back into their proper stacks so I wouldn't have to do it when I put them away when I saw Adam's books still on my coffee table.

I dropped the reading material in my hand & just stared at the book on the glass table like it was a dead body. I'd have to see him to return them, I'd have to talk to him to give them back. That thought, for some reason, terrified me.


	3. I'm Sorry I'm not Sorry

I'm Sorry I'm Not Sorry

The morning sun was not kind to me as I stepped out of my hearse. I had a full thermos of coffee & a weight of comics in my bag that felt like bricks. What would I say? Should I just put them by his locker & leave? Maybe I could give them to Drew. I glanced around nervously & spotted Clare. She was sitting on the steps glaring at me as usual when I hadn't called to apologize after a fight.

I made a b-line for her. "I know you're still pissed at me. I'm sorry, whatever. I don't even remember why we're fighting I really need your help."

She looked like someone has just grabbed her ass. "This is about Adam, isn't it? He called me last night & was really upset."

"I know. I was being stupid & sarcastic & said some things I shouldn't have."

She looked at me blankly. Though she was a good woman she could be a down-right evil girl. I had to work for it if I wanted her help with this whole Adam mess. I knew that would be the case when I asked for her assistance in the first place, but I didn't know how to deal with him if he was like this. Especially because I wasn't really sorry for what I'd said. I was just being my usual sarcastic self & he hadn't gotten the joke. How was I supposed to know he'd pick the absolute worst moment ever to lose his sense of humor?

I wouldn't have time to think of the details of the whole mess because Adam was heading this way. He got a sort of deer-in-headlights expression when he saw me. My stomach tied up in knots & I wanted to hurl seeing that look on his face. That was a lie. I really just wanted to bundle him up in my arms an- Wait! Whoa, stop right there, Eli. You are not doing this. This is your best friend there is no possible way on the human green Earth that you are permitted to have these feelings, these thoughts about Adam.

"Adam..." I'm an idiot. "Your books." I held my hand out looking down. "You left them yesterday after... I'm sorry, about that I mean. I didn't intend to..." I couldn't make myself say anything, I couldn't make myself look at him. Christ, I was pathetic.

"Don't. I over-reacted. Just because you're not... I shouldn't have flipped on you." He took the books & looked sheepishly at me.

"The Dot after school to make up?" I suggested without meaning to.

"Sounds perfect." His eyes lit up once more, but I couldn't understand why.


End file.
